| high school before the insanity |
[18 Apr 2005|10:19pm] |
Why were we so dumb?
Racing through and not caring
Wishing we were older but hiding in our age
Posting words that were lies
Making those you hated suffer
Those who were in your way, watch out
Your foul mouth poured pain in their way
Then realizing what a shame you were
once you leave the place of bliss
You wonder who will be your friend
We wasted those days where everything was right
Come now, come all to see those who you punished
And pray that they will forgive you
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| pictures! |
[12 Mar 2005|09:39pm] |
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check them out at http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y36/dorkiemari/beach%20and%20mountains/
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[25 Jan 2005|09:19pm] |
You Are 12 Years Old |
12
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
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[31 Dec 2004|11:39pm] |
Happy New Year
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| weird... |
[08 Nov 2004|12:59pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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the television in the other room |
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the first dream was I was at my ten year thing for high school and I was with nes but we looked the same way we do today but sightly younger. Then Brandon comes up to me and starts talking. He was saying that he found an old e mail that i sent him with countrey love lyrics in it and thought back on our friendship. How we were really close and stuff. Then he spends almost the whole night talking to me while Jean and Vanessa were on the other side of the room and not even talking to me. It was so weird. Then we were leaving the thing, my dad comes and asks me about a hair cut.(then it goes into another thing) I told him he had one at 4 that day at hairbenders in Santa Clara. Then I walk with him across the street but the light was turning red and i got stuck in the middle of the street. my shoes were tied together somehow and i was stuck. I screamed for my dad and he came and helped me. I had to hop all the way to the sidewalk. Then it switched back over that i was in my old house talking to mom and he comes in again and then this whole big thing get big. It was really weird.
weird weird weird!
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[03 Nov 2004|06:48am] |
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HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY LANESA!!!
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[01 Nov 2004|06:05pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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corpora corpora corpori by england. |
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i am turning into someone who is totally antisocial and i'm kinda of liking it because i'm spending more time doing homework and with my mom. I swear I can't get along with anyone anymore except for like two or three people. People are pissing me off because they are changing or I am changing. It is so stupid. I think it is stupid how people can't say what they want to say anymore. It is totally dumb. just say what you mean because you will be living a lie of bullshit which isn't good at all. It will corrupt you and the people around you. So, I"m giving up on people because they haven't shown me anything important. They just follow the crowd of consumerism and buy things. I am gaining more strength from people I haven't talked to for a long time. Yeah, I talked crap about people but I'm changing it. I am going to tell people if I have a problem with them or i'm going to slowly fade away from them to get my own feelings back to normal. I swear from this whole situation I had I can tell who are my true friends and people I just don't want to deal with anymore. I am in a mood of fuck everyone because it is bullshit just talking and talking and not taking any action. I'm taking an action of stopping of rumors and gossip. I don't care anymore because I don't want to be living a lie. It is horrible.
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[30 Oct 2004|08:05am] |
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Happy Early Halloween.
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| early in the morning. |
[24 Oct 2004|07:59am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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So right now it is about 8 o'clock in the morning and i have been up since 5 30. I guess I had my full 8 hours of sleep last night. =o) Yesterday I moved into the apartment. Its really weird. I don't even have my car here yet. It is at the old house. *Thanks Kelly for helping us move!!!* The apartment is looking good. It is awesome about how the street lights lite up our place at night. I don't really need a nite light in the bathroom. =o) yeah i'm nerdy but who cares.
Today, I'm going to finish up with doing the apartment with mom and go furniture shopping with her. I think it is going to be awesome. This place has a really good vibe here unlike the old house. I think there were ghost there because onces everything was out like it was so creepy and you could hear everything cracking and movement in the garage. So kelly or nes, you guys should check out that garage. But that isn't our house anymore. sold and done with it.
My room looks really neato right now. I just have to find all my poster and hang them up. I thinkin' about putting all my autograph stuff on the storage door and putting other things up. I have to buy a lamp because I have no lights in my room only the one in the bathoom, closet, and storage area. My Closet is like another room dude! It is HUGE. Hopefully, I can invite everyone next month for the weekend to come and see the new apartment and stuff. I think it should be done by this week. =O)
Halloween Weekend, I'm going up to Tracy to see Stephie. I am way excited about that. I think it is going to be a blast. We are going to hang out all weekend. Then on sunday Mom and I are going to watch Dawn of the Dead. HAHA. I don't think I'm going to see SAW because it is going to be too late and mom wants me to spend some time with her next weekend. It is going to be insane.
This Tuesday, I am probably going to be here by myself which isn't that bad. I think I will enjoy it with the digital cable and internet. The internet modem is in my room. Soon, we are going to be getting wireless internet and I can use my laptop anywhere and I just have to get the card for my computer. I am way excited about that.
I trail off in each of these paragraphs into different things which is insane. It is not that bad living by the firestation. They didn't go out all night which is awesome. Toby totally loves it here. Everyone likes him. In the office they wanted to keep toby for the rest of the day yesterday. I think it is so grreat for him. But I think I'm going to get going and see if mom can bring me some food. Take care all.
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| hey |
[09 Oct 2004|05:17pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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Hey everyone! Mom and I finally got an apartment. It is on stewart and wolfe near the fire station! yay! It is so nice...Next weekend we start moving in! i'm totally excited about it. here is the layout of the apartment:
I get the master bedroom with the storage space!
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[07 Oct 2004|10:14pm] |
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why can't I say something so horrible? I dont want to hear reason but then it fustrates me with all this. If i say something horrible, i don't mean it just like i want to break down for a second and then i catch on and i stop. I just wanted to state something which is false and not get blown down on. Now, I bet i pissing people off by this fucking entry but I want to speak my mind for once and not care about other people. I need time to get this feeling out of my body. I might look happy and act happy but in the back of my head i'm not okay. Yeah, I have it better than people who are in my situation but this is my family that is dividing up. I am not going to have a real christmas or thanksgiving. Its going to be weird. i hate change and I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about it. I just want to be left alone right not and not think of other feelings. i think of other but i do appericate them but now it seems like i'm slipping away from them. It is so weird. like its not like they are talking to me or don't want to talk to me because i complain about what is happening in my life but damn it, it effects me. I'm use to my routine and i didn't want it to be broken so i'm just here trying to pick up the pieces that are around. why can't people just say, okay marianna that is fine the way you think that way?....then i would be fine. I would be great and not eating away at myself and stressing over stupid fucking shit like my life. I would be fine. Now, i'm losing my mind with stupid thoughts and worrying. I hate worrying...which leads to stress of the rest of this fucking quarter. I need to get a's on everything else to get my grade up history because i know i failed that stupid test. I just leave people alone and become isolated in my mind. Maybe I could survive better than people are going to say that i'm making this a big deal and it isn't. well, i dont care. i actually dont care right now. once in my life that i don't care about what people are thinking. so i hope people won't get offended by this entry but i need to express myself. go ahead and talk shit about me behind my back. i'm used to it...
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| THANKS |
[28 Sep 2004|09:15pm] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
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music |
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nothing right now... |
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thank you lanesa for letting me come to your apartment for three hours with toby and robin. I really appericate it. Also, thanks to kelly for taking lanesa to school tomorrow and taking toby next tuesday morning. i'm glad i have really good friends that help me. I love them soo much.
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[02 Sep 2004|10:14am] |
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mood |
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blank |
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stalker
a person
waiting for
the attack
a heart broken
waiting for
the happiness
stalker
a heart broken girl
alone in this world
only waiting for you to love her back
stalker
a cry for affection
which you deny her
waiting for her happiness
watching her life and love fade away
stalker
a broken heart wanting someone to love
watching their pain leave them
no harm is done
only the broken heart won't heal it just waits
a stalker broken hearted punk girl.
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[25 Aug 2004|10:19pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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My friends are awesome! I totally forgot to write in here about my birthday...but if you check out nes' journal then you will understand what happened on my birthday. I LOVE my FRIENDS! Rock on!
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[04 Jun 2004|10:41am] |
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mood |
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crazy |
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LANESA IS HOME! YAY!
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| procrastinating |
[25 May 2004|01:07pm] |
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mood |
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 working |
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music |
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"Who Knows" by Avril Lavigne |
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i'm totally procrastinating..i'm debating on what to start with first. I have to do soo much work. I need to finish all my extra credit for history today. I think i might head to blockbuster to get the JFK movie and watch it. I'm not sure though because its weird going to blockbuster without nes....I dont know. But i'm going to go and do the extra credit right now for history. =o) Have a good day all.
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